Keep Your Seats, Senators

Our pottymouth speaker speaks

John Boehner, the Republican Speaker of the House, hit a new rhetorical low this week when he told Senators to “get off their ass” and produce legislation to avoid cutting some $85 billion from the remainder of this year’s federal expenditures. We presume the 100 Senators were not sitting on a donkey and also do not have a collective behind. However, let us hope no one awards Boehner an “F” for bad grammar.  He might use it with a few other letters to plummet deeper into the depths of coarse discourse, something he has done before.

Seldom does the geezer find common ground with the Tea Party crowd in Congress, but this time we are the strangest of bedfellows. The conservative Republicans in the House and I both want the Senators to keep their backsides firmly rooted in their chairs and do nothing. Letting “sequestration” take effect on Friday could be managed as a good step forward in what has become a tiresome, interminable budget battle in Washington.

The arch-conservative Representatives have been busily trying to convince us that serious sequestration consequences (they think cutting defense spending would be catastrophic) should be blamed on President Obama. It is true that the Administration conceived the sequestration plan. The Tea Partiers are correct about that. Their problem is that the American people don’t believe them. According to many polls, a majority will blame sequestration problems squarely on the Republicans.

Mr. Obama has been just as busily touring the country and issuing state-by-state assessments proclaiming that cutting up to 13 percent in defense spending and 9 percent in other discretionary spending areas will have horrific consequences. The centerpiece of the presidential arguments is that 750,000 jobs will disappear at a time when the economy is still struggling to right itself. That is a lot of hooey.

The cuts in defense can be achieved by temporarily reducing the number of hours civilian employees work this year. That will be unpleasant for the workers, of course, but their jobs would not be eliminated. Managers would have seven months to make useful economies and return the employees to full-time status.  That should not be difficult considering the bloated condition of defense accounts, which Congress has been inflating almost without question for more than a decade.

Cuts in the other programs would cause some undesirable job losses and reductions in essential services, but Social Security and Medicaid would not be affected at all and only modest cuts would occur in Medicare reimbursements to healthcare providers. In a few cases, states can be expected to cover some of the federal shortfall should sequestration take place.

The President should call Boehner’s bluff. Let the cuts take place, and then have separate pieces of legislation quickly introduced to restore funding to all accounts that truly need it, but do not include defense. Republicans and Democrats in both houses then could let all of us see their true colors as they vote each federal service up or down.

The federal debt and budget deficit are serious matters, all the foggy mutterings of economists about percentages of domestic product and similar theoretical guidelines aside. The simple truth is that far too much of our tax revenue is going to pay interest on a gigantic debt, and the situation is getting worse by the day. That interest money should be used for things that benefit our society, not just investors who find U.S. bonds the safest place in the world to park their excess cash. It is important to get on with spending reductions, appropriate tax increases, and closing tax loopholes to set our financial house in order.

Although Medicare spending is far from sustainable and needs to be dealt with, defense is the biggest money sink in the federal budget right now. In recent years, it has been impossible to rein in defense budgets. That well known “military-industrial complex” simply has too much power with Congress, and until now, has had full support from administrations.  Sequestration is the best opportunity that may come along in many years to take a real whack out of unnecessary defense spending.

Hold firm, Senators. Do what you do best—nothing. Sequestration can be turned into a positive thing for our nation. 

Olympics Take Wrestling Down

The geezer and many other folks don’t find watching wrestling a rewarding pastime. Nevertheless, I think the recent decision by International Olympic Committee leaders to drop the sport before the 2020 Summer Games is bad business.

As a youth, I never felt the urge to grapple with other young males as many did. Perhaps that was because I was too heavy for my strength and stood little chance of winning in the higher weight classes against young men in better condition.

As a sports editor, I was irritated to say the least by constant demands from parents of wrestlers that about half of my pages should be devoted to the struggles of their darlings. My judgment to limit coverage of wrestling was confirmed by visits to a few high school matches. The small audiences appeared to consist mainly of parents and girl friends of the combatants.

As a parent, I was proud but not too excited when our son, without previous experience, defeated every other aspiring grappler in his weight class in a rather large high school. I was underwhelmed when he became a member of the school’s wrestling team, and parents of his teammates sold me a T-shirt inscribed with “Wrestling Fever: Catch It.”  All I caught was a little shuteye during evening matches that rated pretty high on the boredom scale.

IOC officials want to take wrestling down for the count, but many young people are taking to the sport (Denver Post photo)

The best guesses are that the IOC people are tossing wrestling off the agenda simply because it is not a whole lot of fun to watch. Television addicts have not been eager to dial in to see the Greco-Roman wrestling finals, or any other wrestling bouts. In this age of “follow the money,” killing Olympic wrestling probably is viewed as sound thinking by Olympics officials (read money grubbers). But for other reasons, it is wrong, wrong, wrong.

The spirit of the Olympic Games once was a wonderful thing. People whose livelihoods depended on other labors gathered periodically for peaceful contests to determine who was the strongest, the fastest runner, the highest jumper, and the athlete with the most endurance. They all were amateurs in the beginning. We haven’t seen many true amateurs in the Olympics for years, but the basic reasons why the athletes compete have endured, although it is difficult to relate such events as synchronized swimming to strength, speed, and endurance.

Wrestling isn’t pretty, but it is a true test of strength.  It was one of the sports in the ancient Olympics, and it has been included in every modern Olympics, except the 1900 games. Many nations send representatives: 71 were included in the 2012 games.

Although I doubt wrestling will ever become a true spectator sport, it is gaining, not losing, in popularity. A report from the UK says so many schoolboys are signing up for the sport that additional coaches are needed. In the U.S., more than a quarter million high school youths take to the mats. Asian nations long have sponsored programs, and wrestlers are heroes in several eastern European countries. Wrestling is the national sport in Iran, an indicator of its popularity in the Middle East.  Growing numbers of women are taking to the sport in many parts of the world.

IOC leaders have a chance to reconsider replacing wrestling with rock climbing or squash, two leading candidates for the honor. They should reconsider. The Olympics ought to remain athlete-friendly, not viewer-friendly, in at least a few areas.

I probably won’t watch Olympic wrestling, but it deserves to continue as a rigorous test of human strength. All those youngsters aspiring to grapple their way to Olympic Gold should not have the prize removed from their dreams by profit-motivated bureaucrats.

Was Lincoln an Earlier Day Lyndon?

Some might think it was good timing to delay seeing the film "Lincoln" until the week of Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. Actually, sheer inertia caused the geezer to wait so long. Once I dragged my body to the local theater and took in the show, the most surprising thing was I didn’t go sooner.

Did Honest Abe fib on occasion?

Another surprising thing was that the film drew large audiences during long runs.  The story line is not the kind of plot designed to lure hordes of paying customers by appealing to the baser human instincts, as Hollywood usually does. It was more of a serious history lesson than a light-weight entertainment.

For example, at one point Mr. Lincoln gave his cabinet a very basic and detailed lecture on the legal reasons the 13th Amendment to the Constitution needed to be passed by Congress, including the observation that his famous Emancipation Proclamation, which freed slaves in the southern states, may have been illegal. Usually, this sort of stuff would bore audiences into some serious nap time. I found it fascinating, and didn’t hear a single snore resonating in the theater.

In these days when the American public rates Congress just a notch or so above its fondness for root canals, there were striking similarities between the ways the film depicted Washington politicians and today’s perceptions of them. Descriptors such as “corrupt, deceitful, overly ambitions, and manipulative” might apply.

Lincoln certainly came across as a master manipulator, but he skillfully avoided the less complimentary labels by arranging for others to do the dirty work. In fact, the film showed him managing all sorts of unethical conduct without actually telling a blatant lie. “Honest Abe” at his best? It appeared that way even if the honesty was only skin deep at times.

Of course, we never can be sure about the historical accuracy of a Hollywood production. “Lincoln” shows President Lincoln cleverly and persistently overcoming dedicated opposition to ramrod passage of the 13^th Amendment through the Senate. Wikipedia, a fairly reliable source, says Mr. Lincoln “did nothing to help push through Congress the 13^th Amendment to the Constitution.”  One or the other is wrong.

Historically accurate or not, the film ultimately did a good job of re-posing an age-old philosophical question: Does the end justify the means?  In the end, Abraham Lincoln surely exerted a mighty influence on the abolition of slavery throughout the United States, no matter how he did it.

We are told that President Lyndon Johnson spent long hours in the 1960s on the phone twisting arms and making deals to gain passage of key civil rights legislation and “Great Society” social justice programs.  Might we assume some of his conduct could have been classified as “unethical”?

What do you think? Are questionable tactics OK if they help bring about great good?

Signs of Spring . . . Maybe

After more than a week of nearly continuous snow left a foot on the ground, it was cheering to learn Puxatawney Phil promised an early spring on Groundhog Day. What could be nicer?

Of course it immediately began to snow once again after Phil returned to his nest, while temperatures lurked below the freezing level. But two days after his appearance Phil seemed prophetic. We experienced an entire night without an additional layer of the white stuff.

Did Phil Get It Right?

Tuesday dawned not exactly bright, but at least clear. Things were looking up. Then beautiful wife Sandy spotted a sure sign of spring. She saw the first robin of the year enjoying the heated bird bath outside the door to our side deck. Feb. 5 was far and away the earliest date a red-breast has appeared since we moved here five years ago.

Unfortunately, a scant hour later I told Sandy I’d seen a raven perched atop our mailbox. “That’s a bad omen, isn’t it?” I asked.

“That’s a lot of nonsense,” our resident birder replied. “What you saw was a big fat crow. There aren’t any ravens around here.”

Just then snowflakes began to fall. Briefly, the temperature rose above freezing. Then it took a nosedive, converting the melted snow to a sheet of shiny new ice on our driveway. Another light dusting of snow topped off what would have been a very nice skating rink had we dialed up some appropriate waltz music.

Well? Could that have been a misplaced raven flapping its wings atop our mailbox?

Bribe, Anyone?

Stories about the activities of “spin doctors” usually nowadays involve clever pronouncements by politicians that leave out key facts. The speakers obviously evade direct questions while launching the rehearsed speech they want to present to the public. The actors in these mini-dramas usually are coached by public relations practitioners.

Before television and the internet came to dominate the media world, public relations activities used some of the same techniques but were oriented much more to press agentry. Savvy newspaper people understood the game. The better ones took some delight in frustrating the “flacks.”

The only time I was called on the carpet during my days in public relations work for Allis-Chalmers was because I wasn't trying to bribe anybody.

Department Manager Al Leech chastised me.  Each of us could spend up to $200 a month buying drinks, dinners, and event tickets for news media personnel (at the time, dinner for one in a fairly good restaurant ran about $10, so $200 was a decent amount of spending money).  Leech pointed out that I had spent nothing after several months on the staff.  He said I was neglecting an important part of my duties.

Not being a shirker, I cast about for opportunities to use the special expense account.  I found one in our General Products Division.  Allis-Chalmers had bought a company in Appleton, Wisconsin, that manufactured equipment for the papermaking industry.  The plant manager wanted publicity, but he didn't really know about what.  He had contacted the A-C photography section, and they responded by sending out one of their people to shoot scenes inside the plant.  They had a batch of nice color prints, and no idea what to do with them.

The Milwaukee Journal had a young correspondent in Appleton.  I phoned him and said we had some good photos of our Appleton operation, and thought he might be able to do a feature article about the work there for the Journal's business page, using one of more of the shots.  We made a lunch date in Appleton to talk about it.

I took the photographer along in case different scenes were requested.  We got to the restaurant early.  To my surprise, a veteran reporter who worked at the business desk in the Journal office in Milwaukee walked in just minutes after we did.  Apparently, the neophyte correspondent thought he needed big-time help dealing with a high-powered PR man.

We had a couple of drinks while waiting for the correspondent.  When he appeared, we had another round.  We ate, and I showed our photos and suggested several story ideas.  The Journal men made no commitments.

When the waiter showed up to see if it was time for the check the young guy said it was going to be Dutch treat.  I said, "Oh no, I'm taking care of it."

The correspondent turned to his more experienced colleague.  "He can't do that!" he said.

"Oh yes he can," the veteran newsman replied.

I did, but to their credit, the Journal guys never pursued a story.  Their newspaper had a reputation as one of the best in the country, and part of that was based on strict adherence to journalism ethics.  You could have treated Journal reporters and editors to a full-scale Roman orgy, and I doubt it would have influenced their news decisions one iota.

Nevertheless, I learned that several of my colleagues routinely took Journal people and their wives (and their own wives) out to dinner at fancy Milwaukee restaurants and charged the outings to the company.  Did that benefit Allis-Chalmers?  It may have had the opposite effect.

About a month after my failed bribery attempt in Appleton, Leech stormed out of his office and barked, "I've got the biggest PR staff in the State of Wisconsin, and we can't get a paragraph in the Milwaukee Journal."

When I moved on to Job Corps public relations work as an RCA employee, I was authorized to use expense money to buy meals for reporters.  Many came to the center.  When lunchtimes rolled around, I told every one of them that they were welcome to eat with me in a dining hall operated by Corpsmen training for food service jobs.  They would have to pay for their own meal, just as I and every other staff member who ate there did.

The media people seemed to respect that approach. None ever turned the dining hall suggestion down.  I never spent a dime of RCA money wooing a reporter.  A lot of them wrote favorable stories about activities at our center.

In Grateful Memory

Sgt. Mark H. Schoonhoven (U.S. Army), 38, Plainwell, Michigan. Died Jan. 20 from wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked his unit with an improvised bomb on Dec. 15 in Kabul, Afghanistan.

This is the second neighbor from the small city nearest our rural home to be killed in the senseless conflict in Afghanistan. The Mayor said, “Unfortunately, we know how to deal with this. Two years ago, one of our own died. That was tragic, and so is this.”

Knowing how to deal with it doesn’t make it any less painful.  

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Unfortunately, the Geezer doesn’t have the time or resources to honor all Americans and  NATO allies who are being killed in Afghanistan, so memorials are limited to service members from my home state of Michigan. You can find a record of all American deaths at www.freedomremembered.com.

A True Role Model

My admiration for anyone resembling a sports idol dropped to near zero when Lance Armstrong, that “clean-cut American boy” with the heroic sounding name, admitted his international cycling victories were aided by more than tailwinds. He told the world on national TV that he depended on numerous infusions of performance-enhancing drugs. And he didn’t seem especially contrite when he confessed.

But then along came news of the death of a sports star worthy of admiration. “Stan the Man” died at 92. He was nothing like “da man,” a title bestowed nowadays on all sorts of people. He was the real thing--Stan the Man Musial, one of the finest baseball players in the history of the game and probably one of the finest men in the history of anything.

The Man

As a boy, I had many baseball heroes. Before the Braves moved from Boston to win the hearts of Wisconsinites, the Chicago White Sox were “my” team. I cheered for Minnie Minoso, Billy Pierce, and Luke Appling while listening to radio broadcasts of Sox games. Like many other kids, however, I followed all aspects of Major League Baseball to some extent, and had multiple heroes.  When Dad gave me my first catcher’s mitt, a nearly worn out hand-me-down, I carefully wrote on the back of the glove the names of the first-string catchers playing for all teams in the big leagues.

I didn’t know a lot of details about Stan Musial at the time. I did know that he was a terrific hitter for the St. Louis Cardinals. The Cards had a radio network in the Midwest. Several of my friends who were St. Louis fans listened to games whenever they could, and I often was present when they did. The Cardinals won a lot of games, and their zany announcer “Dizzy” Dean would break into a spirited rendition of “The Wabash Cannonball” when a St. Louis victory seemed assured.

The usually irrepressible Dean played it straight when Musial grabbed a bat in a crucial situation. He simply announced with a tinge of awe in his voice, “And Stan the Man is coming to the plate.” As I recall, Dean never offered up any funny stories involving Musial as he frequently did for other players.

Other baseball experts seemed to talk about Musial with a measure of respect that went a bit beyond what might usually be accorded a man with superior athletic ability. I didn't understand why, although I heard parts of those Cardinal game broadcasts and read the Chicago Tribune regularly for sports news. Now, reading a sampling of the many tributes issued after Musial’s death, I think I get it.

Unlike today’s “heroes,” some of whom have more penalties for bad behavior than awards for achievement, Musial played for 22 years without so much as berating an umpire. In all that time, he never was ejected from a game.  When The Man retired, the commissioner of baseball referred to him as “baseball’s perfect warrior, baseball’s perfect knight.”

Unlike some of today’s athletes who move in and out of “meaningful relationships” with the ease of Hollywood stars, Musial married his high school sweetheart and stayed with her for 71 years.

Unlike today’s prima donnas who refuse to give a helping hand to younger players, Musial was known to go to great lengths to make rookies feel comfortable in St. Louis. When it was unpopular to do so, he welcomed the first black player, Jackie Robinson, to the major leagues and pleaded with fellow white players to accept other blacks.

Musial’s good will apparently was returned. Willie Mays, a black super-star, was quoted by the Associated Press as saying, “I never heard anybody say a bad word about him.”

Unlike today’s jocks who seem intent on setting world records for being arrested after drunken brawls outside night clubs, Musial was a model of decorum off the field as well as on. Asked about keys to success, he advised walking a mile every day for exercise and getting eight hours of sleep every night.

Another super-star during Musial’s career, Ted Williams, refused to tip his cap to fans after hitting home runs, and had a reputation for other self-centered and arrogant behavior. Musial signed autographs for everyone, everywhere. When demands on his time became excessive in later years, he carried a supply of presigned baseball cards so he could give one to any admirer who approached him.

After Musial retired from baseball, the son of a steelworker built a business empire. That might have been enough activity for many, but The Man found time to chair the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports for three years. He also contributed time and money to many causes, including the USO, the Senior Olympics, and the Boy Scouts.

Despite his successes, people who knew The Man well said he had a sort of “down home” manner about him. He carried a harmonica, and often played “The Wabash Cannonball,” perhaps inspired by the antics of Dizzy Dean. Musial also did harmonica performances of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” at a number of baseball ceremonies, including opening day events in St. Louis, after his playing career had ended.

Musial was named to the league All-Star Team during every one of his 22 years as a player. If there is an All-Star team for role models, he should be on it as the Most Valuable Player.

R.I.P. Stan the Man Musial. If I ever grow up I want to be like you.

The Loonies Emerge

Predictably, the lunatic fringe began to be heard from only moments after President Obama announced proposals for tighter gun controls that also reaffirm the constitutional right of responsible individuals to own firearms.  The loony who got the most media attention was a sheriff.

Why was Sheriff Tim Mueller of Linn County, Oregon, so newsworthy?  Well, for one thing sheriffs usually are referred to as “law enforcement officers.” When Mueller sent a letter to Vice-president Joe Biden saying he would not enforce laws or executive orders improving gun control if he deemed them unconstitutional, the sheriff moved from the realm of enforcing laws to deciding their merits. That would make him a novelty in modern America—a cop who also is the judge.

Mueller says in his letter he has served as a law enforcer for 31 years, so it seems fair to assume he is an adult. He should know that convincing voters in Linn County to elect him sheriff did not confer the power to rule on the constitutionality of federal laws or executive actions. The Supreme Court has ruled several times that the federal government has all the authority it needs to establish reasonable gun controls. And what the president has proposed is reasonable.

It is not surprising that the National Rifle Association refused to participate in developing the current proposals. Even though many polls show a large number of NRA members support reasonable gun controls, its leadership prefers to pander to the fringe with scare tactics about the government confiscating all guns or “give an inch and they’ll take a mile” kinds of admonitions.

What is surprising is that thousands of people, at least some of whom probably are adults, have expressed support for Mueller. Perhaps we should adopt some mental health standards for individuals allowed to comment on important questions. Such action might be a nice complement to Mr. Obama’s proposals, which include strengthening programs that could help people with mental problems and also improve screening so those with serious mental health issues would be less likely to acquire firearms.

Unfortunately, it seems unlikely we will get to work any time soon on devising controls that would prevent mental midgets like Mueller from wearing badges while defying the legal system that true American patriots understand and support.

Are We Being Lumped?

Posts and comments on a blog hosted by Ronni Bennett (www.timegoesby.net) frequently bemoan thoughtless or derogatory attitudes and labels related to people in my age group. Ms. Bennett goes to war with those who would call us geezers, old folks, or seniors, or ignore us altogether. I agree that “elders” is a nicer term, and we do not deserve to be depicted as useless fools by those less experienced in the ways of the world.

Obviously, I don’t mind being called a “geezer.” And I think “fully mature adult” might be even more positive than “elder,” although that whimsical label suffers from a lack of brevity. Despite those minor differences, I agree with Ms. Bennett that we older people don’t get all the respect in the public arena that we deserve.

One of those annoying pop-ups perhaps is (or is not) an example. An unwanted e-ad lately has been interrupting my screen-viewing pleasure by saying people can make connections with single members of the opposite sex in the small town nearest my home. They can choose from four age categories: 20-29, 30-39, 40-49, and 50+.

“Fifty+” covers a lot of territory. Is there an insinuation that we elders all morph into the same social and sexual condition after 50?  Is there an assumption that single elders have little interest in new contacts with available members of the opposite sex? Or am I an old geezer over-reacting?

Dramatic Change

You can read a lot of dull statistics or listen to learned professors drone on about climate change, or you can literally have your eyes opened by a well-crafted movie that brings you face-to-face with dramatic changes taking place in our world.

The film is “Chasing Ice.” It currently is being shown at select theaters in the U.S., UK, and Canada.  You can find a list of theaters by going to www.chasingice.com Local blog readers can see “Chasing Ice” at 4:25 p.m. showings today through Thursday at the M-89 Theaters located between Plainwell and Otsego.

“Chasing Ice” is a documentary by acclaimed environmental photographer James Balog who, in the spring of 2005, headed to the Arctic “on a tricky assignment for National Geographic: to capture images to help tell the story of the Earth’s changing climate.”

According to the film's website, “Even with a scientific upbringing, Balog had been a skeptic about climate change.  But that first trip north opened his eyes to the biggest story in human history and sparked a challenge within him that would put his career and his very well-being at risk.”

If you want your eyes opened wide about climate change, take a few minutes to find a showing near you. You won’t be disappointed.

Lighting the Way

Whether you think global warming is fact (97 percent of climate scientists world-wide do) or fantasy (a handful of scientists are skeptics) you most likely believe that air pollution is not a good thing.

As one who suffers from COPD (a fancy abbreviation that means my lungs don’t work all that well), I fully endorse any measures that reduce carbon dioxide emissions. The purer the air, the better I live. And that applies to every human on this planet.

The biggest amounts of carbon dioxide emissions come from our cherished gasoline-burning vehicles and from power plants burning coal that generate most of the electricity used in the U.S. Individuals can do things both large and small in both areas to help our lives be healthier. On the small side, one action looks like a winner right now.

LEDS--bright idea for 2013

After spending hours in the annual hassle trying to get strings of outdoor holiday lights working, beautiful wife Sandy took the initiative and replaced the whole nonfunctional tangle with new strings of LED lights.

LED lights are pricey. Our new complement cost slightly more than $100, and we have a fairly modest outdoor display. However, nary a bulb has burned out during the three weeks they’ve been twinkling outside in generally inhospitable Michigan weather. If claims prove true, few or none will burn out for many years. I fully expect to burn out before the lights do.

The really good news about replacing incandescent bulbs with LEDs is that LEDs use fully 80 percent less electricity. Most electricity in our state comes from coal-burning power plants.

So although my holiday pocketbook felt a bit light after the lighting switch, in the long run we’ll recoup the cost and can feel good about doing a small bit for the environment.

You can do better. Right now stores such as K-Mart are selling LED holiday lighting at huge discounts—as much as 50 percent. In many places, compact fluorescent bulbs also are on sale. They are not as energy efficient at LEDs, but they cost less and are as good or better for some purposes than incandescents.

Why not cash that check Uncle Moneybags sent for Christmas and get some new lighting to stash away until the holidays roll around again? You would be making a smart investment. The best time is now. It’s a positive way to start 2013.

Where Were You Dec. 21?

Being a seer is a pretty cushy occupation. One of my old college buddies, Jim McCurdy, after trying business courses with moderate success decided to study meteorology. Shortly after his graduation, he landed a weather forecaster job at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport. Jim said it was the best job in the world. He couldn’t fail.

“When our predictions don’t work out quite right, we just say some highly unusual pattern developed at the last minute,” McCurdy said. “Everybody knows the weather is fickle, so nobody puts any blame on us.”

Something like that happened in many places Dec. 21, as we awaited the end of the world or the start of a new Mayan calendar cycle, depending on whose tea leaves you were reading. A convention center near Mayan ruins at Chichen Itza on Mexico’s Yucatan Penninsula was popular.

About a thousand shamans, seers, stargazers, yogis, sufis, and swamis gathered to participate with self-appointed leader Alberto Arribalzaga in experiencing spirals of light entering their heads. This phenomenon was expected to “generate powerful vortexes that cover the planet.” 

We’ve been to Chichen Itza. I was not terribly impressed, so it was easy to resist any impulse to go there to celebrate either the end of the world or the launching of a new one. As it turned out, being there could be dangerous. The guardian of the “sacred flame” burned a finger handling the kindling wood. He later had to scoop up a burning log that was knocked out of the brazier and threatened to start a blaze that might have destroyed the wooden stage.

Many celebrants from distant places raised their arms high toward the sun after it ushered in “cosmic dawn.” Unfortunately, those with fair skin suffered painful sunburns for their trouble, a fate that could have befallen me had I made the pilgrimage to the Yucatan.

These reports made me feel good about my decision to stay home. Seeking to bolster my confidence that the world was not going to end, I spent part of the day performing pelvic muscle contractions, an exercise that can improve one’s bladder control. I believed that would do more good for the world, at least my immediate world, than anything I could have accomplished in Mexico.

Meanwhile the good mystics at Chichen Itza settled down once they realized apocalypse was not going to be now and proclaimed on Dec. 22 the start of a new era. Celebrants said they had witnessed the “birth of a new and better age.”

If that turns out to be true, I promise to hurry off to Chichen Itza and hug every Mayan I can find, but only after applying generous amounts of sun screen. We might have to wait another 5,000 or so years for the Mayan New Age to fully develop, so for now let's just wish each other a Happy New Year.

What a Great Idea!

The National Rifle Association scored a bulls eye (pun intended) with its delayed pronouncement regarding the slaughter at Newtown, CT. The NRA plan is to post an armed guard in every U.S. school while we wait to understand and deal with the mentality of deranged killers, something humans have tried and failed to do for a few thousand years or so. 

The NRA’s inelegant spokesman Wayne LaPierre no doubt considered all the advantages of the plan he espoused. We have 132,183 first through twelfth grade schools in the U.S. One new job at each school thus would improve the national unemployment situation a trifle. That trifle would, of course, cost the federal government or local governments and school districts bundles they don't have, but the generous LaPierre has offered to have the NRA fund development of a training plan for the new hires to defray part of the cost.

More guns would save lives!

We, of course, would want our school guards to be well-equipped. Only the latest weaponry would do. The NRA plan thus would result in adding 132,183 gun sales or more to augment the 300 million weapons how in circulation in the U.S.

Adding the new guns would provide a mini-stimulus to our still-recovering economy and some welcome additional cash for gun manufacturers. We assume guns manufactured outside the U.S. would be banned under the plan, but maybe not. That would be “gun control,” and the NRA generally does not welcome any of that sort of nonsense.

The number of Americans continues to grow as our resource base declines, so LaPierre’s proposal would help a little with population control. One more death would be added to the toll in each new school massacre. The shooter would kill the guard before firing at teachers and children.

Perhaps we could solve this problem by expanding the plan to arm every teacher and child. Then shooters might be killed before much additional damage was done, although gun battles are notorious for generating random shots that frequently injure or kill nonparticipants. This conventional wisdom could be wrong, because NRA experts constantly tell us that guns don't kill people. It follows that stray bullets don't kill people, either.

In addition to streamlining the population, LaPierre would improve the Constitution by making it more compact. His rather vague statements that we should censor undesirable media in preference to improving gun safety controls would require us to delete the part of the first amendment that guarantees the right of free speech. Perhaps his plan is to do away with the first amendment altogether, thus elevating his sacred second amendment to the top of the list.

Carried to its extreme, the NRA plan also would add to pleasant childhood memories for all Americans. Getting an education in concentration camps surely would be more delightful than attending traditional schools. 

There is much to be said for the NRA plan, but none of it smacks of intelligence.

An Exhausting Christmas Past

The story that follows, with minor changes, appeared in my memoir, “Days With The Dads: Recollections of a Small-Time Journalist,” which was published in 2008. Please read the conclusion with a grain of salt. I never again got the opportunity to play Santa, but I’d have done it in a heartbeat just to see the expressions of awe and joy on the little ones’ faces.

Best wishes to you and all the kids in your life for a wonderful holiday season.

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Ho, Ho, Ho. . . .No, No, No

It has been hard to escape Santa since merchants succeeded in advancing the holiday season to start right around Thanksgiving time.

You now can visit a Santa just about everywhere serious shopping is happening, rent one for the kids’ party, or be one after you buy an outfit complete with beard for $39.95.

Santas weren’t nearly so ubiquitous in 1957, but they did make plenty of appearances and I was among those on duty. No chimneys were involved in my appearance. It was a bigger deal than that. I arrived on Broadway Avenue in De Pere, Wisconsin, in a giant motorized sleigh pulled by plastic reindeer, courtesy of the  Chamber of Commerce.

In a discussion of how we at the Journal-Democrat were going to participate in Santa’s annual visit, a burning question was who would play the rotund one since publisher John Creviere was getting a bit old for the job. As the youngest, chubbiest, and most naive person around, I was volunteered.

The elder Creviere’s lengthy resume included work with amateur acting groups. He had a professional makeup kit and knew how to use it. He made 21-year-old me into a truly authentic-looking Claus, complete with rosy cheeks and a beard the little ones couldn’t pull off.

The children of De Pere certainly believed I was the real thing. Santa and a couple of helpers handed out 2,000 popcorn balls during the event. It was a very long day.

A photo, taken by Paul Creviere, of one handout to a cute little tyke appeared on the front page of our paper that week. That was pretty easy to pull off, since John owned the printing press, Paul was the general manager, and I was the editor.

It was the only time a photo of me ever graced the front page of a newspaper, and I couldn’t even identify myself in the caption!

Santa was totally pooped after passing out all the goodies and muttering nice things to the multitude of kiddies. When John started removing my greasepaint after handing me a shot of brandy, he asked how I was feeling about the whole thing. I was feeling like I never wanted to play Santa again.

Ho, ho,ho, but no thanks. I learned it was much more pleasant to admire the activities of the old gent from a distance than to occupy the suit. There are easier ways to get your picture in the paper.

What Can I Say?

I borrowed this graphic from blogger Pied Type. With it, she listed the names and ages of all the victims of our latest massacre. Each one will be missed. I can think of nothing more to say.

They Oughta Have Heart

Absurd Supreme Court rulings notwithstanding, few would believe big corporations have all the attributes of people. For one thing, people have hearts. Big corporations don’t these days, if they ever did.  Pfizer, the biggest drug provider in the world proved it once again this holiday season.

Pfizer announced on Dec. 5 that it will cut its primary-care sales force. The corporation did not specify how many people will lose their jobs, or at which locations the cuts will be made. It would be hard to design an announcement to induce more stress in employees and have a more negative effect on productivity if one had those goals in mind. Thousands now are sitting and wondering, “Will it be me?”

The doomed workers won’t have to stew for long, however. The company said it will notify affected employees of their job termination on Dec. 20. What a Christmas present!

Apparently not employee lives

Couldn’t this affair have been handled in a more sensitive way? A simple delay of the whole thing until after the holidays would have been better. And a public announcement the same day the notices were delivered probably would have been less stressful for those involved. Perhaps the dolts who planned the timing could do something positive and hand themselves a termination notice.

But than, the whole affair smells like a year-end stock manipulation. The news was "leaked" to Dow Jones. Nevertheless, if a stock price uptick is the goal the result still shows a lack of sensitivity toward employees.

According to my local newspaper, Pfizer has reduced its workforce by about 50,000 people since 2005. Despite this indication of long-time poor management, the company continues to reward its top executives with huge multimillion-dollar compensation packages.

Maybe those managers could do the company a favor by taking early retirements. That would free lots of salary money that could be used to retain employees who make positive contributions to the corporation. That would show some real heart.

Correction: It Was "Friendly" Fire

My post on October 11, 2011 said:

“Capt. Drew E. Russell (U.S. Army), 25, Scotts, Michigan. Killed by a rocket-propelled grenade In Kandahar Province, Afghanistan, October 8, 2011.”

That statement was based on an official announcement by the Army. Now, a review of internal Army records and interviews in the U.S. and Afghanistan by the Association Press show the report was untrue in one important respect. Capt. Russell was not killed by “the enemy” as the brief account implied. He died after being shot three times in the back in what investigators called a calculated and coordinated attack by Afghan soldiers entrusted to work alongside their U.S. partners.

At least 63 coalition troops have been killed and more than 85 wounded in some 46 insider attacks so far this year.

Does anyone out there believe we and our allies should stay in Afghanistan?

A Geezer Encounters Obamacare

Although some major provisions of the much-discussed Affordable Care Act don’t kick in for another year or more, a few things are in place now. I had my first encounter with Obamacare last month.

The pleasant lady on the phone said, “It’s time to schedule your Medicare wellness exam.”

“Is that a new name for my annual physical?” I asked.

“You’ll find it’s a little different,” she said, “and one nice difference is that it’s free. Medicare now is required to provide a yearly wellness assessment, so you won’t have any copay or other cost.”

I like free things. We agreed on a date and time very quickly.

The preliminary stuff conducted by our favorite nurse was same old, same old. She got my weight, pulse reading, and blood pressure recorded and settled me in to wait for our family doc. He has been conducting my annual physicals for the past four years. I’ve been pleased with his professionalism and genial manner. Usually, he spends 20 minutes to a half hour with me.

This time, our meeting was more than a little bit different. The doctor was with me for a solid hour. He ran through a lengthy checklist item-by-item, including questions regarding home safety and my mental state. I’ve been getting annual physicals for more than 20 years from highly competent doctors, but never was one nearly as extensive as the new Medicare exam, which is required by Obamacare.

When we finished the exam, my doctor handed me a copy of the form he filled out as he went. With it, I can tell precisely what my major office test readings were, the names of two additional tests he would arrange for me at a local hospital, and his recommendations for the future.

I know from earlier talks that my doctor has not been a fan of Obamacare. I tried tactfully to get a handle on his current opinion by asking him if the new requirements caused any big changes in his procedures. “Well,” he said, “there’s a whole new emphasis on prevention, and that’s a good thing.”

As one element of prevention for me, he scheduled a bone density test, something the new system recommends for people my age. My Medicare and Blue Cross insurances would have covered almost all the cost of the test in the past, but a $65 co-pay charge would have come out of my pocket. Obamacare requires that Medicare cover all the costs if the test results from an annual wellness exam. The co-pay was waived. We can always use an extra $65 around our place, and the free exam added another nice bonus to our modest household budget.

Obamacare also requires health providers to join the modern world by automating their systems to better track and share data. My doctor has been ahead of that game for some time. He conducts his physical exams with a lap-top computer up and running. However, getting exam results has been another matter. That often involved several phone calls and some minor delays, which could cause important misunderstandings.

This time, the results of my bone density test and the doc’s advice to make a little change in my lifestyle because of it appeared as an e-mail notice that the message was readily available to me on a secure site.

The message was clearly written and invited me to start a computer dialogue with the doctor if I had questions. I liked that a lot. In addition to pleasing patients, the quick, accurate communication probably will reduce some administrative costs at his clinic.

We are told that Obamacare does need some improvements, especially in the establishment of insurance pools by states. However, so far in my book it gets an AAA rating.

Words Do Matter

Perhaps if those interested in government that serves the people stopped talking about “entitlements” and started describing programs that help millions of  Americans live decent lives as “safety nets,” we would have a more rational public discourse about fiscal responsibility.

Honest Abe's Madison Adventures

Abraham Lincoln seems to be popping up all over.

Steven Spielberg’s movie “Lincoln,” seven years in the making, is cleaning up at box offices in theaters across the land. Preparations are under way for a big 150^th anniversary celebration of The Great Emancipator’s Gettysburg Address, a bit of rhetoric we had to memorize in grade school. My local newspaper chimed in the other day with a full-page description of Abe’s 1856 visit to Kalamazoo, the only time he set foot in Michigan.

And the University of Wisconsin issued various news stories describing its relationship to the famous president.

UW band members ham it up with Abe

“Honest Abe” has been something special on the Madison campus since 1909, 100 years after Lincoln’s birth. To mark the anniversary, university officials unveiled a large statue on Bascom Hill of a sitting Lincoln. Today Abe still sits squarely in front of the old administration building atop the hill. Over the years, he has been subjected to numerous student pranks and the subject of several fanciful stories.

Many believe the UW statue is modeled on the more-famous seated Abe at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC. Not so. It is a replica of a statue erected in Lincoln’s hometown of Hodgenville, KY. A Wisconsin alumnus bought the farm where Lincoln was born and commissioned creation of the original.

A frosty Abe got student help

Wisconsin students have done their best to make Lincoln feel at home in Madison. They’ve decorated him with various hats and costumes. During one especially cold winter, a pair of earmuffs helped Abe survive. Of course, the earmuffs were cardinal, one of the school's colors.

Politics on at least one occasion got into the decorating act.  Back in the 1950s infamous Wisconsin Senator Joe McCarthy placed the university among the institutions he accused of harboring communists (without citing any evidence). Someone gave Abe a coat of red paint, either in sympathy with or protest of the charges.

Wisconsin historians cite several connections to Lincoln and his political associates. Ripon is just 75 miles from Madison. The small city claims to be the birthplace of the Republican Party. It hosted an 1854 meeting of the group that founded the party.

The university, and many others, got a huge boost from the Morrill Land Grant College Act, which Lincoln approved. It allowed the school to buy a 195-acre “experimental farm” in 1866 for $28,000. That land now is the major part of the campus. The site of the university’s football field, Camp Randall, was a Union soldier training camp during the War Between the States. It also served for a time as a camp for Confederate prisoners.

A new grad courts Abe in front of the balcony made famous by a long line of fraternity Firemen.

Recent university stories emphasize two Bascom Hill statue traditions. New graduates believe they will fulfill career goals if they climb onto Lincoln’s lap and whisper their aspirations into his ear. Some think a little kiss on his cheek will help their cause. Alums and students alike visiting the hill believe good luck will be theirs if they rub Abe’s left foot.

Understandably, university accounts omit some of the racier myths involving the statue. In my day, students understood that Abe would leap to his feet if a female virgin walked in front of him. The coeds outwitted the perpetrators of that legend. During four years of regularly plodding up Bascom Hill I never saw a girl in front of Abe. They always were careful to walk behind him.

One fraternity (not mine) once or twice a year pulled off the most well-known initiation stunt on campus right behind the sitting Lincoln. From the group of would-be members the actives selected one “Fireman.” Around noon when crowds of students were on the hill, the brethren somehow sneaked the Fireman onto the Bascom Hall balcony directly behind the Lincoln statue. Wearing an appropriate red hard-hat, the Fireman pretended to crank a siren while he wailed siren-like sounds at the top of his voice.

The fraternity’s pledges were eager to earn the Fireman designation. Active members conferred the “honor” after measuring the length of the initiate’s . . . (you know what).

Abe is said to have grinned when the Fireman sounded his siren. Honestly, Abe, did you?