Have It Some Way

There’s no doubt people can be conditioned by training or repetition to occasionally ask a ludicrous question. The geezer has for years conducted an unscientific, but comprehensive, survey aimed at proving the point.

I almost always order black coffee in fast-food or chain restaurants with breakfast or lunch. About nine times out of ten, this happens:

The server takes the complete order, and then asks, “Do you want cream with your coffee?”

To that standard question, I have a standard reply, “Thanks, but I never use cream in my black coffee.”

After thinking about the gaffe, the server and I, and anyone else within earshot, usually share a few chuckles. A long-time employee at my favorite fast-food place has made a game of it. If she sees a newer server taking my order, she runs over and yells, “Do NOT ask him if he wants cream!” My friend thus heads off any possibility of a sarcastic response.

Recently in another fast-food place, a rookie server’s question left me speechless. He asked, “Do you want cheese on that cheeseburger?” 

Luring Fatties to Fast Food

A new analysis of mountains of data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed Michigan is one of the fattest states in the nation.

Nearly one-third of Michigan adults are obese. We ranked fifth worst in the U.S., behind only Mississippi, Louisiana, West Virginia, and Alabama. Such rankings are not precise, of course, but this one used body mass index data, a fairly good general obesity guideline.

It matters not.  Scientific studies are unnecessary. One need only look around at the hefty bodies waddling around the area.   But we ought to rate a little forgiveness.  Temptations to stray off the healthy eating path are many and powerful.

A "Hot and Juicy."

Last month, resistance to junk food was especially tough to maintain.  The local Wendy’s mailed an ad with seven coupons offering free or cut-rate goodies such as “The Baconator,” chili cheese fries, and a “hot and juicy” cheeseburger. Beautiful wife Sandy was across the little pond visiting relatives in Wisconsin, and I admit to succumbing to the lure of the Wendy’s ad (actually, more than once.) while her cooking expertise was elsewhere.

Cost-conscious diners could hardly do better.  Wendy’s served me a cheeseburger, fries, and a “small” drink for $3.26, including tax.  No tip needed there, either. When I presented my coupon, the clerk said, “Just keep it, you can use it as often as you want for the whole month.”

At about the same time, Rhino’s, my favorite tavern, entered the high-calorie, low-cost fray by announcing it would serve quarter-pound burgers for $1.50 as long as road construction nearby continued. The construction is planned to last two years! 

Wendy’s burgers are good; Rhino’s burgers are great.  No frozen patties at Rhino’s; each burger is “freshly made and hand-crafted” and cooked to order—rare, medium, or well-done, whatever you specify.

Until 6 p.m. at Rhino’s you can guzzle all the light beer served in frosted mugs you want for 75 cents a tap.  Combine the cheap beer and cheap burger with a half order of beer-battered fries (few humans can eat a whole order), and you have a lot of stuff.

Sandy and I do that once in a while. It’s a cheap date. Our latest bill for four beers, two burgers, and fries came to $12.35, including tax and tip.  Service at Rhino’s is excellent. Patrons who want to continue to fit into their jeans are wise not to show up to experience it very often.

Fat-food enticements seem to be everywhere in Plainwell, Michigan. Real cheapskate aficionados can walk a block past Rhino’s to the Tenth Street Saloon.  There you can get TWO hotdogs with chips for $1.00. It’s frightening. We’ve only entered the place once. Nothing healthy is served there.

At Wendy’s and Rhino’s, burgers come with a leaf of lettuce and a slice of onion and tomato.  Can we claim that bow to veggies as one small step toward better health for Michiganders?